Tuesday, November 23, 2010

It Just Is...Part 1

When I started this blog, I had the idea that I would share my kids stories. I thought I would use my experience and my knowledge to help others out there - mostly foster parents and adoptive parents - mostly b/c we got screwed over and over again for several years from the foster care and adoptive system.

I wasn't necessarily jaded or angry. I just had NO IDEA what in the world we were going to encounter or what to expect, EVEN after acquiring my LMSW degree and working for a private foster agency years earlier. I just know that I wished so very badly that I had known someone who had gone before me, in both arenas. I would have LOVED to have been warned. I would have given my left foot to have had someone to process it all with, someone who truly GOT IT. My friends and my mom can love me and listen all day long, but until you have traveled these roads...You can't know. You can't understand, even if you want to.

With all of that said...My thoughts and intentions of this public blog changed. Not only was I taking myself back to incredibly raw, harsh times that I was not prepared to do, but I was telling a story that also belonged my husband and more importantly, my kids. It wasn't only mine to tell - at least not so publicly. So this blog has become more about our lives as a family with an occasional blurb here and there about Foster Care/Infertility/and or/Adoption. Because I DO still care about couples hoping to adopt, or foster, or struggling to build their family genetically. While this may not sit well with so many jaded adoptee bloggers out there, WE are people too, and we have also dealt with loss, grief, abandonment, anger and sadness. We are NOT immune to the adoption process and all of it's tragedies.

We are carefully trying to keep cautious communication with our children's birth parents, but it's not easy. Secretly, in the selfish heart of my hearts, I would love to quietly run away and never tell my kids they are adopted and live in the perfect world of a family that is created biologically. Not because I don't want my kids to know their bio families, or vice versa, but just to spare the hurt - The hurt that is bound to show it's ugly head from time to time when my kids are assigned a school project on genetics in Science class, or the dreaded day that I discipline one of them and hear the words every adoptive mom or step mom fears..."You can't tell me what to do...You're NOT MY REAL MOM!"
There is no way around it. These things WILL happen. They won't happen every day, and they won't define us as a family (I hope and pray), but they WILL happen, and IT WILL HURT.
As humans, we don't want to hurt. In fact, we do everything humanly possible to avoid painful situations. We humans, and other living beings on this earth, do one of two things - We either FIGHT or FLIGHT! We choose to battle back to avoid the suffering, OR we run like hell and try to move on pretending we aren't affected, disturbed, sad and wounded - But either way, we always are!
Hurt, Pain, Loss and Gain...
None of us are exceptions. We all fall onto the spectrum during life. It doesn't matter. You can be an adoptee, an adoptive couple, a foster child, a birth mom, a birth dad, an infertile woman, and so on... We are all victims to these hardships in life. None of us are spared.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Halloween and Fall Fun!

Wow...We've been busy with work, college football, recently started basketball, Halloween, parties, potty training, Grandpa's birthday, and OH YEAH... Our house is FOR SALE!

Speaking of our house being for sale... I am crabby today b/c we found the house and YARD of our dreams and we have only had 5 showings. The problem... we can't do *jack* until we get a contract. And how are we going to get a contract when no one is coming to see our house? :( Of the 5 showings, 3 of them has been the SAME couple. They have looked at our house 3 times!! BUY IT ALREADY! OK, I'm done with that rant...haha. I'm trying to work on the instant gratification trait of mine, and you would think after the hellacious time we went through to build our family it would just be old hat for me... Ughhh. Not so much!

Life is GREAT though and here's the proof!
The Bug's Halloween Dance Class


Monday, November 1, 2010


Zachy, you are a little better than 2.5 years old. I cannot believe it baby boy! My goodness how sweet your kisses are and I love nothing more than snuggling with you. Of course 2.5 year olds say funny things all the time, and you are no exception.

Here are a few of the crazy things you say and do all of the time these days.

  • "I want a awful" = I want a waffle
  • "eww cummin mommy?" = You coming Mommy? -When I am walking behind you.
  • "I want Monkey Cheese!" = I want to go to Chuck E Cheese
  • "I want yellow muffins..." = I want banana nut muffins - You say this in the winiest voice you have and it's usually the first thing you say EVERY single morning!
  • "NO Yidia!" = NO Lydia!
  • "I want wovy, binky" = I want my lovey and binky (But just the other night the Binky Bunny came and got all of your binkys and took them to the babies that needed them!

In fact, you don't need your binky anymore b/c YOU are a BIG BOY!!! 2 weeks ago you started wearing UNDERWEAR and you're doing GREAT! You have a few accidents from time to time but we are SO PROUD of you!!!

You also LOVE playing with Lydia's little toy computer she has but you don't really play the educational games on it. You like the VIDEO games. Hahaha. You are ALL boy! You like to pay with Lego's and trains and cars and trucks. You also LOVE stuffed animals and every few months you pick a new favorite. Right now it's a little tiger that I think Grandma bought you once. You LOVE to play outside and ride your big wheel. You can't quite reach the pedals yet, but almost.

You are so sweet and love to cuddle, which makes mommy very happy! You have a beautiful smile and a sweet disposition. You say "please" and "thank you" all the time and and "bless you" when we sneeze. I love it! You are also VERY smart! You can count up to 20, I know, but I think you can even go farther than that. You know your ABC's and recognize all of your letters by sight. You know the days of the week and so much more! We are amazed by you! I think that big brain you have also makes you think everything is about YOU! Oh wait...maybe that's just b/c you are 2! ;) You can throw an awesome temper tantrum like nobody's business! Most of the time I just giggle to myself b/c I know it won't last forever and it's exactly what you are supposed to be doing my big 2.5 year old boy!

I love you more than you will ever know! Sweet Dreams little man...