Ok, not that my perspective means a hill of beans in this ginormous blogosphere, but when it comes to my experience with infertility, fostering, and adopting (both almost internationally, and domestically) I think I know just a little something. But yet, it's still just from MY perspective.
Recently, I fixed up two of our single friends. At first they hit it off quite well, but a month later (actually yesterday) one of them broke it off. I quickly learned my lesson as a matchmaker because I was caught right smack dab in the middle. It was entirely fascinating to me how DIFFERENTLY both of them perceived how the relationship was going and eventually its demise. I mean, they both shared the exact same experience and both saw it sooooo differently. NO wonder it didn't work out.
Anyhow, as I have had this post brewing in my head the last several weeks, I couldn't help of thinking and linking that example to all of the controversy I read all over the blogging world about adoption and infertility. Wow! I had NO idea there was so much disagreement, but there sure as hell is.
I have had a private blog since 2005. My blog started simply through a google search on international adoption. Five years ago I didn't even know what a blog was. I remember asking Seth and he vaguely explained it. I clicked on the site Journey To Me and wall-ahhh, I was able to read hundreds of different blogs from others who were also adopting/adopted overseas. What an awesome resource as we were blindly about to begin this journey. I have always loved to read and write and since we had just recently decided to abandon fertility treatment and move toward adoption I found a home here for my thoughts, fears and excitement. It started out so innocently. We were so excited and wanted to share our BIG news of our choice of international adoption! Little did we know it would turn into a blog about LYDIA and not the baby we were hoping to adopt from China.
That blog went on for a little bit better than three years. It became our safe haven to update our friends and family about Lydia and C and court dates, trials, advocacy, tears, joy and all the rest. It was RAW. It came from my heart. It spared us from coming home from disappointing visits and court hearings and having to rehash it a thousand times over to everyone that was loving us, supporting us and praying for us. We were up and down and all around and it was a journey I hope I never have to repeat. My blog was a therapeutic life saver for me at the time.
When we finally adopted Zachary and then two months later were FINALLY able to adopt Lydia I felt the need to share. I wanted to help. I remember the many conversations with Seth and a few others while we were fostering Lydia. I saw firsthand how terribly screwed up the foster system was and I was determined that once this ride with Lydia was over, I was going to change it! I was going to write letters and maybe a book. I knew I had to be a voice on behalf of all the foster children and foster parents out there. Even if it took screaming at the top of my lungs, I was going to scream! Well, you know how that goes. I did try. I did make a couple of lame attempts with a few connections I had made and ranted and raved a little. But I am ashamed to say, that's as far as I got at least from a community stand point. I'd like to place the blame on my sudden parenthood to a newborn and toddler, but honestly, I can't. I could have done more. I still could and should!
My guilt (remember I am Catholic haha) about not pursuing change in the system crept up on me and one day I had the brilliant idea of changing my private blog to a public blog to reach out to others who may have questions or need support in the arena of infertility/foster care/adoption and so forth. I could at least do that! I had all of this knowledge and experience from the inside out (I am also a Social Worker) and I would have given anything to have someone to talk to who had walked in similar shoes when I needed support or questions answered. And with that, my public blog started here.
Ok, so you know how when you are going through a horrific time in life you always feel like YOU are the ONLY one dealing with this hell, and NO ONE else could possibly understand - well - that was the place I was coming from after my experiences of finally having children of my own. And with that, I just knew what a HUGE help and difference I could make here on this PUBLIC blog. Hahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Ok, I had NO IDEA. Really? There are others out there...in fact I am finding, there are TONS of others out there. It's been awesome to connect and read all of your stories - many that are still going through the heartache of infertility - or excited to begin their journey to adoption - OR- those that are battling for their foster children's rights against the ugliness of the system. I mean hell, I didn't even know what "followers" meant or how to comment - so you can imagine how surprised I was by all of YOU! LOL. But then, by accident through comments and other various posts here and there, I saw the flip side of the coin. I saw the strong community of adoptees' blogs and also birthmothers that have bonded together and I was hooked. I wanted to read and read and absorb absolutely every word they write. I wanted to know that world and try to understand and experience from THEIR perspective. I wanted that for Seth and me, but so much more than that, I wanted it for MY Children, and my children's BIRTHMOTHERS and FATHERS!
And I STILL DO! Every day I am reading their blogs and trying to learn from them.
To Be Continued...I Have to go switch the laundry around and pick up toys - More on simply MY perspective coming soon.
Good Good Father
2 days ago