I try to keep my days jam packed with activities, as you have seen from all the pictures, all the way up until bed time. We all function better that way. At least Lydia and I do. I should have listened when everyone told me that 3 is harder than 2. Furthermore, she has given up naps and also come to our, ahem, I mean, MY bed several times a night. I am not the best sleeper. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. So once she comes in and wakes me up, I'm done. I can bet I will be awake for another couple hours trying to go back to sleep.
Here's another funny thing. Isn't it crazy how life always looks so perfect in pictures?! I mean, I browse around to other blogs and get pictures sent online from friends and I often think to myself, "man, her/their life if perfect." That's a completely distorted thought. I know that know now and I know that when I am in the moment, but I can't help but go there. I am sure that my life looks perfect in pictures too. Who goes running for their camera when they are so angry at their 3 year old for hitting her baby brother for the second time in the last ten minutes? NOT ME! And we're certainly not zooming and shooting when we're sweaty, frustrated and trying to console or discipline our children. At least in my house, the only reason the camera pops out is when we're happy - when we are ALL simultaneously happy. And ummm, truth be told, that just doesn't happen all that often.
Don't get me wrong WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY!! We love and trust and pray and play and we have a GREAT LIFE, we really do. We laugh A LOT! We are truly blessed in the whole sense of the word. We both have awesome jobs, we are HEALTHY, we have the things we need to survive and then some, and then a TON! God has been SO GOOD to us!
So why do I get these summer blues? I find myself feeling sooo guilty. I have a recording inside my head that tells me "how awful and guilt ridden I should feel for ever being sad, or frustrated or anxiety ridden. I start to tell myself what a terrible person I am for having these feelings after all HE has blessed us with - Answered prayers, and I AM STILL NOT HAPPY? What gives? I must just be an awful person!" And that is when the trouble starts.
Yep, this is the recording I have. We all have recordings. Some are distorted and some are not. It's the thoughts that were ingrained in us at such a young age. It's the new thoughts that start as we begin to gain Independence and learn earn our sense of self. And then the ones that come with parenthood. I swear no matter how great a parent you are, I don't know that any of us escape the recordings. "Shit, I blew that.", "Did I handle that right?", "I really shouldn't have lost my patience.", "Oh hell, I sound just like my mother!" Haha. Am I the only?
What are your recordings?
Ok, I am taking off my therapist hat now. Although. I think I quite needed that session with myself.
And here are just a few pics of me and my Fam, keeping it real!
Yep, I am wearing HOT PINK shorts and a Turquoise tee shirt. I had to ditch my khaki -too tight Capri's(b/c all I have done is eaten and drank beer all summer) the minute I walked in the door. Boy, that makes you feel good about yourself! Haha.
And, here's Baby Bam - crying tonight at bedtime when I REALLY, REALLY just NEED for him to go bed.
Notice, the chewed up crib rails. Yes, just another piece of my very imperfect life!
Oh, and since we're talking about how GREAT I feel about myself, here's my dinner tonight after the kids finally got to bed. Holy Hell...Oh Well.
P.S. I use spell check EVERYTIME I post.
Ok, Good Night.